Found this post through Twitter; really interesting topic.
I feel like you're trying to define what it means to lose someone. That loss can have many causes, but I think what all your examples have in common is that they all involve having a source of happiness that goes away.
Why particular people get stuck is mostly a psychological research question (do addictive personalities have a tendency to get stuck? does emotional regulation control the effect?), but I think a more interesting question is WHY does ANYONE feel loss? What exactly are we losing, and why does it hurt so?
I think it's probably tiny intimacies, little valuable personal secrets, that we really mourn. It hurts when we know there is no longer a person in the world who says "okay" in their strange, but uniquely charming, way or when we know that we will never again hear their awkward but comforting responses to our complaining. These things are equally destroyed by death, by radical change in someone, or by destruction of an intimate relationship.
Why do we mourn these things? To some extent the answer is just "evolution," but that is not particularly satisfying (and is more "how" than "why"). I wonder if we value these things, exactly as Kübler-Ross says, because coming to appreciate them is what makes us grow into complex, beautiful people.
Found this post through Twitter; really interesting topic.
I feel like you're trying to define what it means to lose someone. That loss can have many causes, but I think what all your examples have in common is that they all involve having a source of happiness that goes away.
Why particular people get stuck is mostly a psychological research question (do addictive personalities have a tendency to get stuck? does emotional regulation control the effect?), but I think a more interesting question is WHY does ANYONE feel loss? What exactly are we losing, and why does it hurt so?
I think it's probably tiny intimacies, little valuable personal secrets, that we really mourn. It hurts when we know there is no longer a person in the world who says "okay" in their strange, but uniquely charming, way or when we know that we will never again hear their awkward but comforting responses to our complaining. These things are equally destroyed by death, by radical change in someone, or by destruction of an intimate relationship.
Why do we mourn these things? To some extent the answer is just "evolution," but that is not particularly satisfying (and is more "how" than "why"). I wonder if we value these things, exactly as Kübler-Ross says, because coming to appreciate them is what makes us grow into complex, beautiful people.
Beautiful